Road Trip!! Part Seven: Courage is Deciding Something is More Important Than Fear

I’ve had a lot of friends tell me that I’m brave to be undertaking a six-week-long road trip as the only adult with three active boys. They’ve all also said something along the lines of, “I couldn’t do it. I’d be too scared,” or, “I wouldn’t know where to start,” or, “I can’t believe Justin’s okay with this!” It’s all been said with respect and- in some cases- even a little bit of what felt like admiration. But, the truth is I’m nervous about this trip too.
I’m not worried about the planning, or the lack thereof. I learned how to plan trips like this at the foot of some master trip planners: my mom and her parents. They always talked things through in front of me, teaching me to read maps, look at road signs, and what to do when things didn’t quite work out. They never hid anything from me when planning a trip, and even started making me help them as I got older (I got so good at reading maps, I got my mom lost in a residential neighborhood of Shreveport, LA one time!). I know my plan is pretty solid, with just enough wiggle room to have fun and adjust when and where necessary. But, planning is the easy part. It’s safe. It’s done from your favorite spot on the couch while binging Netflix. It’s the execution that gets most of us.
Justin is okay with me taking our boys and going on this adventure. We’ve talked about it numerous times. He’s seen my detailed plans. He’s watched me prepare. And, he also knows how independent I’ve always been. He has known me for over twenty years, and has known that I’ve always, always been self-sufficient and independent. Don’t get me wrong! I LOVE being part of a team! I love our family’s team, and there is no one I’d rather co-captain this team of boys with than Justin. But, I also know that for a team to work, we all need to be able to work independently as well as together. So, when I first proposed this trip, he knew I’d be okay, and he’s fine letting me go.
But, even though I know I have a solid plan and I’m capable of executing it, I’m still nervous. Self-doubt and my habit of imagining worst-case scenarios like to creep in every so often. I’ve never done anything like this without another adult before. I’m still scared I’m going to forget something, make a bad choice, or just completely screw up. But, then I remember one of my favorite scenes from The Princess Diaries. It’s one of the lesser appreciated ones, where Mia is planning to run away before her coronation as Princess of Genovia and while packing, she finds a letter to her from her dad. He tells her that courage isn’t a lack of fear, but rather the judgement that something is more important than your fear of it. I know, it’s all kinds of cheesy, but it’s true. This trip- exposing my boys to all the things we’re going to see, do, smell, hear, taste, and feel- is WAY more important than my self-doubts and fears of screwing up. They are more important, so I have courage to try.
So, to sum up this next-to-last post before we leave, yep, I’m scared. But I’m doing it anyway, because they’re more important.